I’m going to challenge this pervading societal belief that “self-care” must involve capitalism and the beauty industry.
Don’t get me wrong: I love me some spa time. And when spring rolls around, I fall prey to buying all the pretty florals that I rarely actually wear but make me feel happy just looking at them in my closet (I live in Washington, ya’ll. It’s very gloomy here). Living in the PNW, I’m also an unabashedly bougie foodie: Our restaurant scene is hoppin’ (and not cheap).
I mean, I’m a fan of anything that gives us that little boost of joy and reminds us there’s so much fun and delight to be had in life.
But we abuse this idea of self-care when we relegate it only to superficial, cosmetic, and ultimately unnecessary-for-our-soul’s-health purchases: We feed the ravenous beast of industry-set standards telling us what we should all look, sound, and feel like. We fuel the machinery of corporate greed when we spend all our hard-earned dollars on the products they tell us we’re supposed to want to live a fulfilled life.
I call bullshit.
If all we do is shop ‘til we drop, the only thing we’re fulfilling is our ego’s need to put a glossy veneer on all the feelings it wants so desperately for us to avoid.
We fool ourselves into believing we’re doing something good for ourselves. We also tend to conflate this with an idea of worthiness: “I’ve worked so hard; I deserve this $150 leather purse!”
For one thing, we deserve true happiness and joy because we exist. Like – we don’t have to bust our asses working 60+ hours a week to “deserve” that $150 purse. And more importantly…
Have we asked ourselves why we think that item is going to bring us joy, happiness, peace, or contentment?
Because discovering the answer to that question is what would constitute real self-care.
Avocado Toast and Sunshine
I’ve recently joined Marie Forleo’s B-School, a 6-week program devoted to helping budding entrepreneurs bring their heart-centered businesses to life. It’s an intense program, with weekly modules and daily exercises designed to get that business ball rolling in an intentional and fast-tracked way.
I’m loving every moment. And, the dedication it requires is no joke. For the time being, practically every moment of my life is color-coordinated into a daily and weekly routine that focuses almost solely on this program. It’s exhilarating, and intense.
There’s not a lot of time for lollygagging.
So when I found myself last week with an unexpectedly free, unscheduled block of time, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Surely there was something useful I could be accomplishing with this free time! After all, I have a book to promote and a business to build!
But then I looked up, and saw dappled light streaming in through my sliding glass door. As I took a breath, I realized birds were chirping outside my kitchen windows. A hummingbird was flitting around the red glass feeder we have hanging on our back deck. My pup was lazing about in a small patch of sunshine on our unpolished wood floor.
Real and lasting contentment will only arise when we continually choose to come into alignment with our deepest desires.
@Writer.Dawn.H
As I allowed the peace of that moment to settle into my bones, I realized I didn’t need to work anymore. What I needed now was to sit, feel the warmth of sunshine on my face, and be still.
Until I paused and breathed, I didn’t realize how hungry I’d become. I’d ignored my body’s signals in pursuit of my work. Worthwhile, elating work, to be sure, but still: Too busy to eat? When did this become a thing?
Normally, I’d be satisfied with something quick – a piece of fruit or maybe some yogurt. Something I could eat with one hand while typing with another.
Not today, in this moment. Today, I was going to treat myself. I toasted some whole grain bread and spread it with ghee; busted open an avocado, scooping out its creamy, tangy insides and mashing them with some Everything Bagel seasoning; grabbed a few farm-fresh eggs, and fried them in some lemon-infused olive oil (I mentioned my bougie-ness with food, right?) To top off my avocado toast, I added some slices of tangy, juicy, purple heirloom tomato. Voila.
As I sat looking at my creation, all I could do was give thanks for the nourishing and gorgeous food I was about to consume. I brought my plate to our long wood table, sat down in a sun-warmed chair, closed my eyes, and breathed. I let waves of gratitude wash over me, for the quiet, for the spaciousness, for the time, and for my devotion to it.
I savored every bite of that meal, committing to being fully present for each one. For 20 glorious minutes, there was nothing but me, the warmth, and that plate of food.
If that isn’t self-care, I don’t know what is.
What Is It We Desire, Truly?
Remember when I asked us to consider why we thought buying ourselves a $150 purse was going to bring us joy, happiness, peace, or contentment? Well, what if we dug even just a few inches deeper into that soil?
What if we took a breath and asked ourselves, “Where in my life am I not feeling joy, happiness, peace, or contentment?” What if we then took some time to just be with whatever truth lands – My marriage no longer feels fulfilling. My job is exhausting. Life feels monotonous – before moving on to buying the thing we thought was the object of our desire?
Behind every desire lies a deep, unmet need. If we take just a little time to ask the question of what’s behind that true need, and have the courage to accept whatever truth is revealed and then act on it, we are gifting ourselves the most delicious, rewarding, and authentically fulfilling act of self-care.
Because while it might feel true to say a $150 leather purse brings us joy whenever we look at or use it, real and lasting contentment will only arise when we continually choose to come into alignment with our deepest desires. And we can’t know precisely what those are until we pause, breathe, ask, and receive the wisdom of our Authentic Selves.
Let’s continue the conversation! Drop a comment below, and don’t forget your free 9 Radical Practices download!