Love is a choice. So is Fear.
Fear is getting the better of us.
I see it in the news headlines every day, from the focus on the latest Covid outbreak numbers to the number of state officials trying to ban certain books from public schools and libraries.
Fear is running rampant among us humans, but there is one antidote we can offer: Love.
We all possess this power. After all, we choose how we show up in the world. We can spread Fear, or we can inundate with Love.
Which will we choose?
Love and Fear Cannot Co-exist.
Let’s at least temporarily agree, for the sake of this conversation, that the following premises are true:
- There are two fields of energy we can choose to be in at any given time: Fear, or Love. All other emotions – anxiety, stress, elation, joy, happiness, boredom, anger – are derivations of one of those two energies.
- Fear has a certain flavor and feeling to it. So does Love. Because they are opposite energies, they feel very, very differently in the body.
If it’s true that we’re only ever operating from either Fear or Love, and both of those energies have telltale, identifiable feelings and thoughts associated with them, then certain things must also necessarily be true:
- We can know when we are responding to a person, idea, or situation with Fear or with Love based on how we’re feeling, the words we’re choosing to speak, and the actions we’re choosing to take.
- Because residing in either of these energies is a personal choice, that must mean we can choose differently whenever we like.
So how do we know when we’re operating from Fear rather than acting in Love? I mentioned how each energy will feel in the body and how we might be reacting in response. Let’s take some time to explore those.
A Few Things About Fear
Fear feels hard. Rigid. Like our skin is suddenly too tight for our body.
Maybe our jaw is tense, or our shoulders are hunched. Perhaps we’re glaring at whoever is speaking with our arms crossed in front of our chests or our hands clasped too tightly in front of our stomachs.
We’re guarded. Defensive. We interrupt with our own arguments instead of letting someone finish a sentence. We don’t ask questions – we tell people our opinions. And we get angry when they dare disagree with what we’re saying.
We feel hate. We feel alarmed. We feel disgusted. We feel the need to retaliate against something, or fiercely protect what we think is ours.
Maybe we create a law that makes it harder for some people to vote. Perhaps we attend a rally and raise our voice in support of building walls to keep certain members of humanity off the land we inhabit. Or maybe we just quietly remove books from public spaces that tell stories we don’t want our children to read.
There is no fear too small to make us feel these things or react in these ways. And just as we can take steps to condition ourselves to spiders, deep water, or high places, we can also choose to expose ourselves a little bit at a time to ideas and people that challenge our ideologies and belief systems.
We can choose this, over and over again, until the people and lifestyles we once feared and loathed become something we love and cherish, something we’d never want to harm or diminish, just as we hope others will not want to harm or diminish us.
A Few Things About Love
Love feels light. Expansive. Invitational.
Our bodies feel relaxed. Our breath moves rhythmically and easily. Smiles come quickly to our faces, and we can meet the eyes of others in welcome rather than shifting away.
In Love, we feel curious, but not judgmental. We feel kinship even with others we don’t agree with or fully understand. We can see them in their full humanity, accept their faults, and choose to elevate and uplift their goodness rather than focusing on their shortcomings.
We ask questions rather than make demands. We admit we may not understand something and can’t always know what is true, and feel no threat to our Ego in acknowledging this out loud.
Choices and actions made in Love will never diminish or demean the full expression of humanity in another human being. It will never seek to control, cage, or condemn others simply because they aren’t understood.
Love is welcoming. It is inclusive. It embraces all of life – the pain as well as the pleasure – because Love knows its worth.
When we choose to act from Love, we act from a place of knowing our own worth, as well. And we Love our fellow humans enough to allow them to know their worth, too.
The Choice We Make
So, we’re left with this question: Why do any of us choose to act from Fear, rather than Love, when it does nothing to make our own lives expansive and joy-filled?
Simply, because our Fear remains unexamined. We must be brave enough to turn and face our Fear, to hold its hand and bring it forth into the light to be welcomed with gentle curiosity. We don’t need to judge our Fear; we simply need to acknowledge it exists, and then decide to choose differently.
Here are some questions we can ponder as we choose to leave a life lived in Fear to one made up entirely of Love:
- How do my thoughts/beliefs about blank make me feel?
- How do I react, or what actions do I usually take, when I feel this way?
- What might it feel like if I chose to think about blank in a different way?
- What do I think will happen if I decide to let go of my beliefs about blank?
- Do I know with 100% certainty that my imagined outcome will come true?
- In what ways do I demonstrate to my fellow humans that I choose Love of them over Fear of them?
A Final Thought on Love vs. Fear:
I can’t fathom a time or place when Love would ever choose to stifle someone’s bodily autonomy. It’s only Fear that could even conceive of it, let alone bring it to fruition.
After all, we instinctively fear what we don’t know. That fear, if left unchecked, can lead to attack and projection, tribalism and nativism, and ultimately, institutions such as prisons and events such as war.
Can we honestly say that Love could create any of these things? If we are being honest, the answer is, emphatically, no.
So, since these things do exist, what does it say about how we are choosing to exist in the world?
And what might the world look and feel like if you and I decided to choose quite differently every moment from now on?
Want more ideas of how to move from Fear to Love? Click here to get your free Action Guide.