Soften What’s Hard With This One Daily Practice

Soften. Allow. Let go. From almost every spiritual circle across the globe, we’re told that to attain peace and equanimity, these are the things we must do. 

But why are they so important? What magic elixir do these directives hold? 

And how do we incorporate them into our daily lives?

First Step: Notice What’s Rigid

Rigidity shows up in our lives in myriad ways. 

It’s easy to point out physical rigidity: Our jaws are clenched, our backs straight, or our tummies sucked in tight. We move, and speak, stiffly. There’s no sway to our movements. 

But rigidity manifests in more subtle ways, too: We stick to our beliefs and hold so tightly to our ideologies we think they become lifelines keeping our heads above rough waters. 

In both types of rigidity – physical and mental – there’s no space for creativity or curiosity.

Read that again.

There’s no space. 

Without space to move, we’re stuck. Small. Contained. Our environment becomes so close, so closed, there’s no room to grow, expand, or discover. 

After all, what is there to discover when we’re pretty sure we already know every inch of what’s around us? 

But what do we miss out on discovering when we make this presumption?

This is exactly how staying rigid holds us back and keeps us chained. 

Instead, we must be willing to be curious: Hmm. What if this thing I’ve believed for so long turns out not to be true? What might that feel like? What might change for me without this thought or belief?

When my body is rigid, I can’t take a breath to create space in my being for an answer to those questions to land. 

And without breath, I stay in my head, thinking about things rather than letting experiences manifest in my life. 

How to Soften What’s Rigid

First, we’ve got to practice. With devotion. Every day. 

Wake up and breathe before you get out of bed or even open your eyes. Five good, deep belly breaths. Ten would be better. 

You’re not meditating on anything or thinking of the day ahead. There’s no mantra to repeat. In fact, you’re getting out of your head entirely. 

The mind loves to chatter; that’s what it does best. It loves to distract you and keep you engaged with its stories and projections. So give it something meaningful to focus on: your breath. 

Can you feel each inhale starting at your root? Do you sense how the breath expands your belly and ribcage outward? Can you tell when it begins moving into your chest? What about your lungs? What is the temperature of your breath as it moves through your nostrils? 

What about the exhale? How warm or cool is the breath as it leaves your nose? Can you follow the descent of your breath from lungs to chest to belly? Where does the breath end? 

When the mind wanders – and it will! – intentionally return it to your breath. 

I can guess what you’re thinking: That’s it? That’s the magical antidote to all my worry and stress? That’s how I stop being rigid? 

Yup. And it happens immediately. Every time. 

With each conscious belly breath we take, we force the mind to quiet. The more breaths we take, and the more often we take them, the quieter it becomes. 

Why We Want To Soften

Why should we care if our minds are quiet? 

Because it’s in our minds – our perceptions, beliefs, and ideas – that we become enslaved to the world. 

Our minds are where habits form, where potentially harmful ideologies are planted and bloom, and where false belief systems can lead us down paths of unhappiness. 

We think our minds are us. And we become so fearful at losing our sense of identity – This is what I believe. What I believe is who I am. – that we cling rigidly and desperately to it no matter how much misery and stress it might bring. 

This is the harm of staying rigidly attached to the ego mind: We can’t see the world for what it is, with all its beauty, opportunity, and abundance; we only see what our limited perception of the world allows, which tends to be filled with fear, strife, and uncertainty.

So we practice softening. We practice allowing. We practice letting go. 

Notice the key here:

We practice. 

This isn’t a one-and-done exercise. This is a way of being. 

We become the breath that’s breathing and, simultaneously, we’re being breathed by a universe that’s endlessly creating and expanding. 

With our breath, we enter into that creation and expansion. We become part of the process rather than watching it from the sidelines. We become co-creators and visionaries of all that might be in the world. 

We create it all. And it begins with our softening. 

It begins with our breath.

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